I received a lot of support after I wrote The Lesbian Pinball: Gay Liberation vs. Women’s Liberation in August 2021. Lesbian feminists from all over the world resonated with the conflict: we simultaneously support gay men and women but it is hard to navigate gay and feminist spaces without our intersectional experience, being both homosexual and women, respected. Gay men can be dismissive towards criticisms of misogyny and many feminists aren’t prepared to acknowledge that gay men are also oppressed.
The criticisms were few but preposterous. None came from gay men, despite half the article addressing the ways in which gay men perpetuate misogyny. They actually listened. One vague-posted criticism of the piece threw back to the Lavender Menace. It went something like this: “You’re not a feminist if you don’t consistently prioritise women; straight and het-partnered women hold no privilege over gay men… or lesbians.”
I heard non-lesbians say that lesbianism isn’t a “visible” experience of oppression–as if having to hide isn’t a symptom of it–so being both woman and homosexual isn’t considered an intersectional experience. Does that mean a working class woman isn’t working class anymore because she bought second-hand clothes that signify the middle class?
The homophobic idea that lesbianism is “invisible,” and therefore not a true intersectional axis of oppression, justifies non-lesbian women identifying as lesbians because they don’t want to act on their attraction to men. It’s not viewed as appropriation because straight women apparently “don’t have the power” to oppress “invisible” lesbians. Lesbians don’t have the attraction to men in the first place. We aren’t abstaining from them, they’re not on our radar.
Sexual orientation is not socially constructed
While sexuality (the way we have sex) can be socially constructed, sexual orientation is not. It’s inbuilt. I’m against man-attracted women identifying as lesbian like I don’t think the LGBT should be referred to as “the queer community”: lesbianism is not a political identity. Neither is the LGBT. While there is no issue with LGBT people reclaiming “queer” for themselves (not the entire community), straight women can’t claim anything lesbian because it was never theirs to begin with. They do, unfortunately, and it’s *drum roll please* homophobia.
Being a lesbian is born. Regardless of how long it took for a lesbian to realise it due to heteronormativity, perhaps even sleeping with men along the way, it is not a choice. We aren’t “other” because heterosexuality isn’t the default. Homosexuality exists in over 1500 species. Humans are animals. The fact that homosexuality has always existed, despite it not always being covered in mainstream history books, means it is not some political identity to opt-in to. It is part of the material world and is made up of politically diverse women who sometimes only share being homosexual.
Of course being lesbian in a heteronormative world means many of us are interested in politics: we understandably want to overthrow the heteropatriarchal structures that oppress us. Every person’s experience is impacted by politics, whether that be profiting from the way the world is (straight, white, rich men) or being disadvantaged by it (lesbian, black, poor women), but lesbianism isn’t inherently about politics. It’s not constructed through political ideology. It simply means female homosexuality.
To say that sexual orientation is socially constructed is not only severely homophobic, it undermines the fact that lesbianism has persisted through endless heteropatriarchal ages. Of course it wasn’t always called lesbianism (thanks Sappho!) but lesbianism, like a tree, exists without language to describe it. It’s socially constructed that women wear makeup and act submissive because that’s socialised. We are socialised to conform to heterosexuality under heteropatriarchy. Which society is constructing–encouraging–homosexuality? Please let me know. I’ll book a ticket right away. Thanks.
Homophobia masked as feminism
I thought I’d already outlined some very obvious and, dare I say it, common sense reasons why lesbians have a sense of protection over, and solidarity with, gay men but I’ll repeat and add.
The lesbian-only polls, whereby thousands of responders took part, that I conducted for The Lesbian Pinball: Gay Liberation vs. Women’s Liberation revealed that more than half of us feel “seen” by gay men. Over half said that gay men had shaped their coming out story in a positive way. Three-quarters said that straight women require more emotional labour than gay men do. Over half said they feel comfortable in lesbian and gay spaces.
Despite non-lesbian women framing gay men as a “perverted” influence on our sexuality–this isn’t a new homophobic take–almost three-quarters of lesbian responders said they don’t even engage in BDSM. “Gay men are perverted” was a common belief during, and prior to, the HIV/AIDS crisis. It justified the unfazed reaction many heterosexuals had to the crisis, both in governmental policy and on the streets. Its residue still infects.
Rather than the real reason–a lack of research and education on non-heterosexual safe-sex practices–gay men were seen to be getting HIV/AIDS because God willed it; they were (and often still are) viewed as abnormal and depraved. The reclamation of “queer” became popular in the ‘80s and ‘90s, when the HIV/AIDS crisis was at its worst. While there was rare use of “queer” by gay men prior, the real movement to reclaim “queer,” meaning “abnormality” since 1513, was a tongue-in-cheek clap-back to homophobia surrounding HIV/AIDS.
While I understand and respect its origins, it’s up to individuals to reclaim queer for themselves. Using “queer” as an umbrella term takes away the opportunity for us to consent to “abnormality” and otherness. Like I mentioned, the HIV/AIDS crisis occurred due to lack of research, support, and education – not because “gay men are perverted.” I understand the politics behind reclaiming queer but it’s not for all of us, including me. Homosexuality–like I’ve already mentioned–isn’t a political belief. We’ve had political movements but we are not a political movement. I’ll write an extended response on queer as an umbrella term soon.
Solidarity between lesbians and gay men is meaningful
The polls and long responses in The Lesbian Pinball: Gay Liberation vs. Women’s Liberation weren’t enough to explain why many of us must include the liberation of gay men in our politics, so I asked a more direct question today. A poll I’ve had up on the Lesbian Herstory Instagram for 5 hours asks: “LESBIANS ONLY: do you feel protective of gay men?” So far, with 350 responders, 46% of lesbians said they do. Some others, clarifying in direct messages, said they don’t feel protective of individual gay men but do of gay men as a class, which is why they didn’t hit a strict “yes.”
I then asked to elaborate on why, if “yes,” you feel protective of gay men. The main answer was a resounding “solidarity.” Why do lesbians have solidarity with gay men? This answer may shock you: it’s because we’re both homosexual. It’s really that simple. Maybe it takes genuinely being homosexual to understand that.
Gay men and lesbians are both oppressed for their sexual orientation, despite profiting off other parts of ourselves palatable to the society we live in, such as our sex, race or class. Alternatively, some lesbians feel no connection to gay men whatsoever, and that–by no means–takes away their lesbian card.
While it’s true that gay men hold power for being men, being born gay and lesbian are not unstitched. We’re cut from the same cloth. I, for one, am not giving heterosexual men or women the scissors. We get accused of being handmaidens to gay men by the same people who expect our obedient service. Some even go home to husbands. Big NOPE.
There are many similarities between gay men and lesbians because of our shared homosexuality. For example, we’re both directly impacted by homophobia in similar and different ways. To suggest homosexuality is a privilege, or even perceived by society as neutral, is homophobic. If homophobia in your own country isn’t “visible”–which means you’re sleeping–maybe wake up and research less fortunate parts of the world where governments order our torture, rape and murder.
What are the similarities between gay men and lesbians besides being targets of, you know, global homophobia? I conducted a “fun poll” on the Lesbian Herstory Instagram recently (now highlighted as “Poll 5” on the profile). The prompt was “The lesbian experience of…” and followers responded with relatable lesbian experiences. Over 1500 of us voted, choosing whether each “lesbian experience” was “YES! ME!” or “NO [not me]”.
Most of these experiences can be applied to gay men as well. “Faking crushes on guys,” can easily translate to “faking crushes on girls.” Gay men can relate to “Your parents referring to your partner as a friend,” too. Similarly with: “People asking if you’d ever try dating a man (woman),” “Having mutual attraction with people who don’t want to admit they’re not straight,” “Thinking you’re not like other girls (boys) because you aren’t boy (girl) crazy until you realize you like girls (boys) instead,” “Having men (women) say they could change your mind,” “Dating a gay man (lesbian),” “having a bunch of guy friends (girl friends) with similar interests but not being attracted to any of them,” “Being in love with a closeted ex,” “Averting your eyes in the locker room so people don’t think you’re predatory,” and “Thinking if I was a boy (girl) I would have a crush on so many girls (boys) because they’re so pretty (handsome).” The list goes on. Check out “Poll 5” for more.
Non-lesbian feminists often focus on the differences between lesbians and gay men because it suits them. Acknowledging that gay men and lesbians should have each other’s back when it comes to homosexual liberation isn’t compatible with the cold take that women can’t hold power over anybody else because of patriarchy. Do I need to go into detail about how racist and classist, among other things, that is?
We don’t get a lot of screen time in feminism (or LGBT circles for that matter) because all spaces, feminist or not, are going to include homophobia until homosexual liberation is achieved. Lesbians can, and many do, reconcile being for the liberation of women and the liberation of homosexuals. Denying us the right to do so throws back to the Lavender Menace days (Hey Betty!). You’re not being revolutionary. You’re being homophobic. That’s one of the least revolutionary positions to take. Drink a tall glass of nuance and try to understand.
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